The Reflecsolution

8 hours before the year ends.

And I just got home from work. So its pretty obvious then that I skipped class. I'm not spending my last hours of 2005 with a mentally-challenged idiot.

Since everyone's doing their reflection and resolution, I might as well just do mine.

Not in the particular order, I present,

The Shits Significant Events That Happened In 2005:

1) My monitor burnt out. On the 1st day of Chinese New Year.
2) Whored myself at work for the whole year.
3) Ran into a couple of very eccentric women who wants a piece of me. Scary.
4) Started my own portfolio of investments.
5) More whoring at work.
6) Flunked my tax paper a mark away. Forty-fucking-nine.
7) Ate and ate and ate. Seminars with 4 meals, luncheons, wedding dinners. But I'm still the same size.
8) Inducted into the network of accountants in town. Now I can rip their portfolios off them.
9) Offered a placement in KL.
10) Got myself a 17-inch TFT LCD monitor.
11) Got myself a speeding ticket.
12) Broke up Sold off my royal tin can.

Well, this is as long as the list gets. I think.

Now, The Resolution For 2006.

1) Swear less.
2) Save 30%-40% of income for future utilisation.
3) Drive more courteously.
4) Whore myself more.
5) Pass my core papers this coming sitting. Thats if I make it through the previous round.
6) Restructure the current business approach in the company.
7) Spend less.
8) Take more calculated risks.
9) Spend more cautiously. But it does not apply when I get to KL this January.
10) Refurbish my room.
11) Save more.

Fuck. This is getting boring. Ultimately the resolution is, to make more money.

I don't just say I want to meet Uncle Scrooge and rip him off for nothing.

Happy New Year Everyone!!

The Option Which Isn't Quite One

To go or not to go, that is the question?

If I go, I'd just be one miserable ass who spends his New Years Eve with another sad cunt.

And you would tell me that this IS a wise decision and what matters more is my future.

If I don't go, I'd be missing out on the stuff that sad cunt's going to teach.

But you would tell me that I can go to class and still celebrate New Years. I would tell you that I'd be too tired then after overloading myself from 1.30pm to 10.30pm. But then again, its just an excuse not to go.

But I would tell you that this IS a loose-loose situation. So I'm partying instead.

I think.

The Other Christmas Present

Just when I thought I've opened all my presents, a new one popped in.

I got a courier note requiring me to pick up my gift. And it says, "From: Speed Trap".

Oww... how fucking thoughtful of them.

I got a fucking summon. For speeding. Four lane 'highway' and the limit is 70km/h. How fucking ridiculous. And I don't see any speed limit at accident-prone-high-death-count roads in this sad town.

Just great. Just fucking great.

The Chrismukkah That Was Never Better

Why Chrismukkah?
The World celebrates Christmas. The Jews celebrate Hanukkah.
We now have Chrismukkah.
-An idea derived by The O.C.

It's Christmas!! Merry Christmas!!

I'm experiencing that warm fuzzly feeling. Its a once-in-a-year kind of feeling. The type you dig into your closet to find.

I'd have to say this has got to be the best Christmas thus far in my 22 years of life. Never actually celebrated Christmas when I was a kid.

No Christmas deco in town. No Christmas tree. Ultimately, no presents to open, except for one year.

That was when I believed that Beer-Bellied-Fat-Ass Santa Claus exists. I was 7.

Mom bought me a red stocking and asked me to hang it by the stove bed.

Mom: Boy, remember to hang it up by your bed, okay?
Me: Okay. But mummy, how is Santa going to climb in? We don't have a chimney.
Mom: He can climb in through the ventilator.
Me: But our ventilator is so small. Santa is SO fat.
Mom: You see dear, Santa can make himself fat or thin whenever he wants. He is Santa.
Me: Okay.

I went to bed that night full of hope. Next morning, I got a Garfield watch. And I went boasting to my aunts and friends that I got a present from Santa Claus. Of course my aunts just laugh and shove me aside. A few friends who also believed that Santa existed shared my joy, but deep down, they hated me that very instant. Because they did not get any.

That was 15 years ago. If Santa decided to drop in any time, he's so gonna get it from me. I'm going to smack him in the head and ask him what bloody took him so long.

This Christmas was great. Great food. Great presents. Great deco. Great company.

I couldn't say more. It just feels so... so... Christmassy.

Maybe the only thing missing is a mistletoe. One that I can bring around and get a kiss under it from the ladies.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!! Have a Merry Jingly One!!!

The Anger Management

On 'tis eve of Christmas eve, my joyful yuletide spirit just had to be ruffled.

Some bitch just had to screw up my work. My work which I'm 70% through with. Now I have to start from scratch.

And if you think that's about it, THAT IS NOT ABOUT IT.

I got a mindful from the Boss. I basically got blamed for some other bitch's mistake. I had to spend an hour trying to explain to him what the situation was. But at the end of it, I still have to swallow it down. The blame, excuse you. And the deadline for the assignment still remains. Which means either I stay back for OT or I become Superman.

And if you think that's about it, THAT IS STILL NOT ABOUT IT.

I dropped into my lousy red -staircased -a -la -Chinese -cemetery -shack School College Institution for my hardcore paper timetable and guess what I found out.

I GOT CLASS ON 29TH, 30TH, 31ST, 1ST & 2ND.

WHO THE FUCK HAS CLASS ON NEW YEAR'S WEEKEND?

The lecturer either has erectile dysfunction, or he's a eunuch. I mean, you GOT to celebrate New Year's with a bang. Its New Year's for god's sake, you low -life -twisted -philosophy -banana -eating -reject.

Marcus Ong, you are one sad motherfucker, period. Don't drag us along.

I need not say more. I need to breathe instead. I need to control my frustration.

I need to think more about Christmas.

1 Day to Christmas.

The Pre-Christmas Crunch Time

I just love Christmas shopping. But like any other year, I'm the last to complete my spree.

Was all over town with my cousin and Ma to contribute more to the ailing economy of Kuching City. And of course, not forgetting to bring cheers to 'em kids. My only spoilt sister and my ever-annoying rug-ratting nephews and nieces. (Damn I feel old.)

After digging into the shopping bags (yes, plastic bags.), I found these.

28" Patrick The Dog, RM91.90 inclusive of box and ribbon. - For my bratty sweet lil sister.
5 sets of Steadler Stationery sets, RM62.50. - For 'em rats nephews and nieces, Avril, Bryan, Charlene, Joel and Naomi. (I know, I suck for an uncle)
Camel Polo Tee, RM89.90. - For Pops (This one came in a very nice bag from 101 Avenue).

Yes, I know. What about Ma?

I shall be dragging bringing along my sister in an hour to grab something for my loving mother. I hope I can find something nice, 'cos at this very moment, I've yet to have any idea.


Note to self: Start Christmas shopping EARLIER next year.

2 days to Christmas

The Perfect Experience That Almost Was

I almost thought that my Saturday was gonna suck.

Imagine this.

Getting home at 1 in the morning after a drinking session. No beer. Waking up at 6.30 in the morning with a bloody headache. Dragged my sad, lonely ass to work feeling dry like a pussy match-stick. Tons of back-load. Deadlines, deadlines and more deadlines.

Then the phone rang.

sp3nce: Hello?
Bernard: Hey Spencer. How've you been?
sp3nce: Urm, good, apart from not getting enough sleep.
Bernard: I'll try to wake you up. Wanna check out the 6 Series?
sp3nce: If you're gonna buy me one, I would. Hehe, kidding.
Bernard: Drop by the showroom later, would ya?
sp3nce: Yea, sure.

And so, I dragged skipped my ass to Auto-Bavaria with Pop and Ma. Looked around the 645, drooling in my pants.

Bernard: Wanna take the rides for a spin?
sp3nce: I'll take the 6.
Bernard: The 6 is only for show.
sp3nce: I'll TAKE the 6.
Bernard: We're not allowed to test the 6?
sp3nce: Puh-reeeeesseee?
Bernard: No can't do.
sp3nce: I just want to try the 645 okay...
Bernard: NO.
sp3nce: *sniff* So what can I try?
Bernard: All the cars out there, from the 116 to the 745Li.
sp3nce: *still looking at the 645*
Bernard: NO!!
sp3nce: I'll take the 120, 325, 525 and the X3.
Bernard: Now that's a good boy. Sure.

So I started with the 120i, took it around for a spin. Comfortable but seriously overpriced. Just as I was about to turn back into the showroom,

Bernard: Boy are you a delicate driver?
sp3nce: And what do you mean by delicate?? I AM NOT DELICATE. I AM A MAN.
Bernard: Haha, I mean you're a good driver. Gentle on the throttle and turns.
sp3nce: You wouldn't want me to rev this thing up do you?
Bernard: Well, from my experience, the KL folks really test it to the limit.
sp3nce: So you're saying I can rev this thing up?
Bernard: Yea.
sp3nce: Are you sure? *eyebrow raised*
Bernard: Yea.
sp3nce: Oh, I see.... okay.
Pop: Oi.

Next, the 325i. Come the jam and hoardes of imbeciles thinking that they own the road. I think my blood pressure kinda shot up pretty drastically at that point. Bernard was giggling.

525i. V8 with 333bhp. Luxurious monster. The jam pretty much cleared. Right after I cleared the entrance, I bloody floored the accelerator. 5000rpm and still increasing and I was already at 100km/h. Max speed I had, 130km/h. Overall, its one hell of a stable car. Could feel the rubber tight on the tarmac. The only downside is that its a little bumpy, due to the lower profile tyres and larger rims.

Finally, the X3 3.0i. This is the car that I seriously rev up without mercy. This is the one that I floor the gas each and every single chance I had, even for a distance of 50m. This is the one that I took the corners hard. This is the one that I took the step-tronic to the limit. This is the one with the beasty roar of a 6-straight. But I'm not too impressed on the handling. A slight slip on the rear end if you take fast gentle-bends. The steering wheel tends to be a tad too sensitive on high speeds, which can be a little worrying.

Either that, or I suck at driving.

The IQ

You have a sexual IQ of 122 When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends. Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

I AM?

The Retard

If there's one thing I learn as a person, it has got to be being courteous when you're leeching asking favours from someone else.

I had a complete opposite experience when it comes to my retarded cousin-in-law. And it is seriously pissing me off.

He wants me to get a quotation for a computer. I got him one.

He waited for 2 months before getting back to me. I waited happily for 2 months for him to get back to me.

He asked me what took me so long, with a tone. I asked him what took him so long, nicely.

He wants another quotation because the old one has expired. I got him another one.

He asked me to get him a new and original one. I was like, "Define original."

He wants to arrange a certain unique payment method. I made the arrangement.

He wants me to type him a letter, a black & white for the arrangement. I said I'm not typing any letter, with my middle finger up.

He calls me at 4.30pm and wants his computer hooked up by this evening. I said, "FUCK YOU!"


Here's the drill down.

First of all, when I agreed to help, you should be thankful.
You took ages to decide, and now you're blaming me?
And with that tone, you expect to get away with it?
I DID talk to him nicely.
Of course its new, you moron. Its a bloody clone, you fuckin' idiot!
About the letter, you did not ask. You instructed.
Who are you to instruct? And why can't you write it yourself?
Is it 'cos your Engrish shuck?
And no, I did not show him the middle finger in his face. I was on the phone.
And NO, I did not say 'FUCK YOU!' to him either.

But its pretty obvious I said it after I put down the phone.

One Ton Lighter

2 down, none to go.

Well, for the time being.

So I just finished my last paper. The feeling didn't quite sink in until when I downed my first pint of beer.

The yuletide joys of Christmas, the countdown to another year, and most certainly, the trip down to KL. I know there isn't much to it, but its nice to know that there are some plans to be executed along the way.

And the fact that I'd be back in the office later in the morning is just simply relieving.

No more rotting 9 to 9 in the library. No more day-dreaming.

Ah... the post-exam cheers. Let me go wake the whole neighbourhood up.

FREEEEEEDOOOOM!!!! For now, sadly.

Anesthetized

You know you're in deep shit when your first paper is on Tuesday and you still don't feel the urgency.

You know you're in deeper shit when your first paper is on Tuesday and you're totally not ready, and yet you still don't feel the slightest sense of urgency.

You know you're in the deepest shit when you're first paper is on Tuesday and you're totally not ready, and the passing rate for both of your papers is a all-time low of 39%, and yet you don't feel ANY sense of urgency.

Another word would be numb. Or better yet, screwed.

One Breath Short

I think I just forgot to breathe today, which rendered me lifeless for 14 hours.

I need my weekly dose of beer. Like seriously.

On another account, I saw this notice on the entrance of a shop selling lamps. I would have snapped a shot of it if I had a camera. Or a phone with camera. (Santa, if you're reading, you know what to do.)

"If locked, please waiting. Or call 016-8XXXXXX"

Do you understanding?